OK, time to dig deep on this one. Honestly, I am not a very trusting person. I feel as though I am trustworthy, but I rarely trust other people's motives and actions. This could because I have had several friendships that have ended with people stabbing me in the back and then days later asking me for a favor, or two relationships that have ended due to cheating. I sometimes wonder if I surround myself with untrustworthy people so they prove my theory to me. Nothing like confirming your own theories.
So, I have decided that I create destructive relationships because I always want these types of people to prove me wrong. I know, crazy thought, wanting to be proved wrong is not usually my thing. However, as my current relationship deteriorates I have been forced once again to evaluate why it ended and why it didn't end sooner. It may not even be over...
Revelation, to start trusting my own instincts and decisions. I am confident, but not when it comes to relationships. I get the guy and then allow him to infiltrate my life without stepping back and asking what I want. I want to be happy, I want to go out to dinner "just because," I would wear sweatpants 24/7 if I was able, and I want to be myself unapologetically.
Heres to new starts and learning from heartache, I would like to say I hope it gets easier, but I was never one to assume that life is simple.
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2 comments:
Oh yes, I have been stabbed in the back by many a friends, as well... so it is very hard me me to trust people, too. (We will have to swap stories at some point.)
Those things that you "want" in a relationship are absolutely things you deserve to have, so if you aren't getting them, I totally understand why it would be time to move on.
Remaining true to yourself is of the utmost importance in any relationship, and when you start to take a step back and realize you're not, it's a good time to start making some important decisions. And it sounds like that's what you're doing.
Could this comment have rambled on any more!? Sorry if I'm not making any sense here... point is that I know where you're coming from, and I'm here giving you a "you go, girl!" :)
Jane
Psychiatrists can go at this from many angles. But just know this:
Life doesn't give you what you want. Life gives you what you need.
Make decisions. Learn. Move on.
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